Trump Seeks Small, Mushroom-Shaped Fig Leaf to Cover Withdrawal from Race

With Donald Trump trailing Joe Biden by nearly ten points in averages of national polls, an increasing number of pundits and Republican operatives are suggesting that the president may drop out of the race rather than face a humiliating landslide defeat in November.

Even conservative stalwart FoxNews, whose most recent poll had Trump trailing Biden by 12 points, has begun floating the idea.

An anonymous Trump campaign insider notes that considering the “size of Trump’s ego,” he’d need a credible excuse for quitting the race–a “fig leaf” that would allow him to save face.

“Most politicians use the tried-and true ‘spending more time with my family’ excuse,” the insider said. “But considering how much the public knows about the president and his family, that probably wouldn’t do.”

Reached for comment, porn actress Stormy Daniels, notorious for her description of Trump’s anatomy, suggested that a “small, mushroom-shaped” fig leaf would be sufficient.

Image by Moriartys

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