In Fairness to Donald Trump

As a critic of President Trump for the last four years, I’ve never pulled my punches, and with his combative style, I’m sure he doesn’t expect anyone to treat him with kid gloves. Recently, however, it seems that criticism of the president has reached some new lows. With the one-two punch of Covid and the George Floyd protests, plus the Tulsa rally debacle, we’re seeing Mr. Trump at the lowest point of his presidency.

Even a schoolyard bully knows it’s not right to kick a man while he’s down. In the spirit of sportsmanship and fair play, I’d like to offer a defense of President Trump refuting some of the more unfounded attacks he’s suffered. I hope it will be taken with all the seriousness the subject deserves.

First, much has been said and written about the “Zero Tolerance” policy of separating children from their parents at our southern border and putting the children in cages as a deterrent to future immigrants. While the merits of the policy can certainly be questioned, it’s very unfair to the president to claim that these children are being held in cages. The image the use of the word “cages” evokes of treating people like wild animals is simply not accurate.

President Trump isn’t holding children in cages; he’s holding them in pens. The difference cannot be denied—a cage has a roof; a pen doesn’t. The chain-link structures in which these children are being held simply do not have roofs. Granted, they often have razor wire at the top, but that’s not a roof. Wild animals may be kept in cages, but domesticated animals are generally kept in pens. So, to be fair to Mr. Trump, he’s not responsible for caging children like wild animals; he’s responsible for penning children, like cattle. (Let’s not forget that for a time, even the Virgin Mary kept the baby Jesus in a manger.)

Second, it’s become common for critics to compare President Trump to Adolph Hitler. While that makes for a powerful meme on social media, it’s neither fair nor historically accurate. Hitler was responsible for the violent deaths of tens of millions of people. At worst, President Trump’s delayed response to Covid is only responsible for the deaths of tens of thousands of people, none of whom died violently.

A much more fair and accurate comparison should be sought. Both ideologically and physically, Mr. Trump more closely resembles Benito Mussolini than Adolph Hitler. Granted, Mussolini served in the army, was a talented writer, and was highly successful in consolidating his power. Despite these differences, Trump and Mussolini share much in common, most especially their respective speaking styles, which are so close one might almost suspect that Mr. Trump models his public persona after Mussolini’s. So, to be fair to Mr. Trump, we should all acknowledge that Donald Trump shares far more in common with Benito Mussolini than with Adolph Hitler.

Third, many have accused President Trump of telling nearly 20,000 lies since beginning his campaign in 2016. Indeed, several fact-checking organizations have spent the last four years cataloguing what they call “false or misleading statements” made by the president, and these organizations do document nearly 20,000 such statements.

The total of 20,000 is almost surely inflated by several factors, however. For one, a statement can be false without being a lie; we all make mistakes, and we can assume that some of the president’s false statements were just that–honest mistakes. Also, a statement can be misleading without being a lie; we all fudge some things, and we can assume that some of the president’s misleading statements were not outright lies. Finally, fact-checking organizations are not infallible; we can assume that some of their conclusions are incorrect. The conservative-leaning RealClearPoliltics.com audits the work of the fact checkers and finds that their conclusions are incorrect about 10-20% of the time. Taking all of this into consideration, I analyzed a sample of the alleged lies documented by the four leading fact checking organizations, and my results are exactly in line with those of RealClearPolitics.com: only 80-90% of the purported lies were actually lies. So, to be fair to Mr. Trump, he’s probably only told between 16,000 and 18,000 lies.

Lastly, it has been claimed that Mr. Trump used to regularly read a book of Adolph Hitler’s speeches called My New Order, which he kept beside his bed. Trump’s first wife, Ivana, confirms this. Trump associate Marty Davis confirms that it was he who gave the book to Trump, and in a 2015 article in Vanity Fair, Trump himself admitted to having once owned the book.

However, Mr. Trump apparently didn’t read the book, as his ex-wife Ivana alleges he did, and he apparently didn’t purchase the book, either. Owning a book that was given to you and reading a book that you purchased for yourself are two very different things. As the president told Vanity Fair, “Actually, it was my friend Marty Davis from Paramount who gave me … a copy, and he’s a Jew.” Granted, Davis denies being a Jew, but if we assume that Mr. Trump thought he was a Jew, it would have been very rude to refuse such a gift. Moreover, the president later said, “If I had these speeches, and I’m not saying I do, I would never read them.” So, to be fair to Mr. Trump, we can assume that he kept the book beside his bed for reasons other than reading or emulating it; he probably just looked at the pictures when he went to bed.

To sum up, to be perfectly fair to Mr. Trump:

  1. Donald Trump keeps children locked up in pens like cattle, not in cages like wild animals.
  2. Donald Trump is more like Benito Mussolini than Adolph Hitler.
  3. Donald Trump has told closer to 16,000 lies than 20,000.
  4. Donald Trump probably didn’t read Adolph Hitler’s speeches; he just looked at the pictures in bed.

We should all strive to be more fair to the president. I’m sure he’d give the same consideration to each and every one of us.

Russian Roulette Goes Viral–Come Join Us in Tulsa!

Come one, come all! Be a part of HISTORY in the greatest game of RUSSIAN ROULETTE ever played!

The committed to re-elect the president (creep) invites YOU to the BOK Center in beautiful downtown TULSA, OKLAHOMA, on Saturday, June 20, for a celebration of FREEDOM and President DONALD J. TRUMP!!!

THRILLS! CHILLS! HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE PILLS! The world has never seen anything like it!

Bring the kids! Bring grandma and grandpa! They may never see anything like this again!

Masks are for PUSSIES! So grab one, douse it in hand sanitizer, and come on down for a pre-rally BONFIRE of the VERITIES where we BURN Dr. Anthony Fauci in effigy!

And don’t worry about being required to sign the pre-rally liability waiver…it’s just a legal formality in case you contract the virus at the rally. But what are the chances of that?

President Trump says, “I’m not worried” about infecting only a very small percentage.” So don’t you worry, either.

Don’t have the guts to come? That’s okay. Stay home with the lily-livered libs and demonic Dems.

It’s not like we’re putting a gun to your head!

Image by Zedorwin

Trump Campaign Demands Sesame Street Retract, Apologize for Making 14 “Number of the Day”

President Donald Trump demanded today that Sesame Street retract and apologize for repeatedly making 14 the “Number of the Day.”

The move comes on the heels of the Trump campaign demanding that  CNN retract and apologize for a poll showing Democrat Joe Biden leading Trump by 14 points.

The Trump campaign sent a formal letter to CNN claiming that the poll in question is “a stunt and a phony poll to cause voter suppression, stifle momentum and enthusiasm for the President, and present a false view generally of the actual support across America for the President” and demanded that CNN  publish a “full, fair, and conspicuous retraction, apology, and clarification to correct its misleading conclusions.”

The campaign also alleges that Joe Biden has been colluding with Sesame Street for years, noting that Biden and his wife Jill were honored at the 2010 Sesame Workshop Benefit Gala and that Jill Biden and Michelle Obama met with Sesame Street operatives Elmo, a “gay activist,” and Rosita, an “illegal immigrant advocate,” in 2011.

White House Press Secretary Kayleigh MacEnany insisted that both CNN and Sesame Street are “far left media outlets hostile to the president” and that Count von Count, who stars in the “Number of the Day” skits, is “worse than Wolf Blitzer, and almost as scary-looking.”

Image by Christaface

Trump Accuses Protester of Violating Law of Gravity, “Fell Harder than Was Pushed”

President Donald Trump accused a protester injured by police officers in Buffalo, New York, of violating the law of gravity today, tweeting, “I watched, he fell harder than was pushed.”

The protester, 75-year-old Martin Gugino, remains hospitalized but is out of intensive care after suffering a head injury when he fell backwards and hit his head on a concrete sidewalk.

Trump’s tweet was apparently prompted by a conspiracy theory he saw on right-wing One America News. The tweet read, “Buffalo protester shoved by Police could be an ANTIFA provocateur. 75 year old Martin Gugino was pushed away after appearing to scan police communications in order to black out the equipment. @OANN I watched, he fell harder than was pushed. Was aiming scanner. Could be a set up?”

Neither One America News nor the president has provided any evidence that Gugino is associated with AntiFa, or had or aimed any type of scanner, or could black out police communications equipment, or has the ability to violate the law of gravity.

White House Press Secretary Kayleigh MacEnany suggested that Mr. Gugino could have avoided injury “if he’d fallen softer than he was pushed. Or worn a tin foil hat, like the president.”

200,000 Descend on Washington “Just Inspecting” White House

As many as 200,000 people descended on northwest Washington, DC, yesterday, each and every one insisting they were “just inspecting” the White House and the 2-mile long security fence that now surrounds it.

“I was, you know, just doing an inspection,” claimed one member of a crowd in LaFayette Square overlooking the White House.

“Yeah, uh, me, too,” added another. “Just inspecting, that’s all.”

Formal and informal polls and interviews could not uncover a single person in the area who wasn’t there for an inspection.

The Guinness Book of World Records certified this as the most massive gathering of house inspectors ever assembled.

With another 150 million Americans scheduled to inspect the People’s House in coming months, final results aren’t expected until November 3.

 

Voice of Ronald Reagan Heard Above Rose Garden Saying, “Mr. President: Tear. Down. This. Fence.”

The voice of Ronald Reagan was heard by multiple witnesses above the Rose Garden on Friday, saying, “Mr. President: Tear. Down. This. Fence,” an apparent reference to a massive security fence now encircling the White House in the wake of growing protests.

The incident occurred just as President Trump had completed a rambling speech (video) in what was supposed to be a press briefing after a bill signing. The president refused to answer any questions, however, though he did draw widespread condemnation for awkwardly invoking the name of murder victim George Floyd.

President Trump insisted that he didn’t hear the voice, and if he did, the voice wasn’t really Reagan’s but was “…a dirty trick by Joe BI-den, Dirty Joe BI-den. They used a ventriloquist or something, I dunno, a good ventriloquist could probably do that, I’m sure a good ventriloquist could do that. Anyone can hire a dirty trickster, anyone can hire a ventriloquist. I’ve hired plenty, believe me.”

Trump advisor and convicted dirty trickster Roger Stone couldn’t be reached for comment as he awaits his 40-month prison sentence and a pardon from the president.

#babygate

Don’t Let a Grinch Steal the Fourth of July!

There once was a land surrounded by oceans
Whose people would link arms and sing their devotions
To riches and freedom the Good Lord did grant them
In a rousing rendition of their national anthem!

When would they do this, you might ask, and why?
Well, every year on the Fourth of July!
They’d sing all their songs like a coast-to-coast choir
And marvel at skies filled with works made of fire.
They’d celebrate proudly the Land of the Free
And pledge, oh so loudly, we all sing of thee!

But over in Moscow a nasty old gremlin
Sat brooding with envy up high in the Kremlin,
Plotting a plot that was brazenly bonkers:
For he who DIVIDES, it’s he, too, who conquers.
Everything about him was bloody and bad
Right down to his name—like the Impaler, Vlad!

Meanwhile, back home, there lived two wealthy trolls
Who traded for treasure their virtual souls.
Guided by greed and cold algorithms
These Grinches exploited the great nation’s schisms.
Their names? Jack and Zuck! Vlad thought it was funny
That what he did for hate, they did for money.

So Vlad, Jack, and Zuck worked hard to DIVIDE
The folks into two incompatible sides.
They filled up their heads with fake, phony news
That heated and heightened their diverging views.
They fomented fear and anger and hate
With slurs, lies, and insults, some little, some great.

The people forgot what once bound them as one
And split mother from daughter, and father from son;
Split upper from lower, the left from the right,
The red from the blue and the black from the white.
Soon all they could see was that horrible split
In terrible terabytes of bully bullshit!

The people forgot that the UNITED state–
That state of UNION is what made them great.

Vlad, as you know, is worse than the worst
And will never, ever put our interests first.
There might still be hope, though, for Zuck and for Jack;
To our country’s cause we might win them back.
Can they be content running digital errands?
Or must they be Digital Age Robber Barons?

You must understand that like bees love their honey,
The one thing for sure that’ll move them is MONEY!
So do it right now! Throw Facebook aside!
Read a good book, or go for a ride!
Do it right now! Get off of Twitter!
Find something better to do on the shitter!

Let these two boys know that our battle cry
Is “Boycott them both on the Fourth of July!”
And when some try to tweak you there on your device–
Just count to ten, then say something nice.
There’s one other thing we all ought to do:
Always to country, not faction, be true.

Image by DonkeyHotey

Violent Extremist Incites Riot, Loots Church, Returns to White House

Moments after claiming to be an “ally to peaceful protesters” in the Rose Garden, President Donald Trump ordered a phalanx of riot police, some of them on horseback, to forcefully disperse a crowd of peaceful protesters (video) yesterday with batons, flash grenades, rubber bullets, and tear gas. The president then walked from the White House to St. John’s Episcopal Church for a brief photo op where he brandished a bible.

Religious leaders from around the world and lawmakers from both major parties condemned the action, noting that Trump’s message seemed diametrically opposed to that of Jesus. Trump had previously threatened protesters with “vicious dogs” and “ominous weapons.”

The president’s statements echoed similar statements aimed at protesters at his rallies during the 2016 election, which included: “I’d like to punch him in the face,” “Knock the crap out of him … I will pay your legal bills,” and “(In) the old days … they’d be taken out on stretchers.”

Bishop Mariann Edgar Budde of the Diocese of Washington said, “The president just used a Bible as a backdrop for a message antithetical to the teachings of Jesus. He sanctioned the use of tear gas by police officers in riot gear to clear the church yard. We need moral leadership, and he’s done everything to divide us.”

Michael Curry, the presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church, released a statement that read in part: “This evening, the President … used a church building and the Holy Bible for partisan political purposes. This was done in a time of deep hurt and pain in our country, and his action did nothing to help us or to heal us.”

A small minority of Christian leaders saw the incident differently. Televangelist Kenneth Copeland compared “King Trump’s” walk to Jesus’s triumphal entry into Jerusalem, noting “minor differences,” such as, “Instead of people laying their clothes and palm branches in the roadway to clear a path, they threw flash grenades and tear gas. Same diff.”

We’d add that while Jesus rode an ass, Trump is one.

Image from freebibleimages.org