President Donald Trump announced yesterday that he is withholding scheduled US payments to the World Health Organization as the global pandemic intensifies.
“The WHO failed in its basic duty and must be held accountable,” Trump said at a Tuesday press conference, adding that the payments would be suspended for 60 to 90 days while his administration evaluates the WHO’s actions.
The move is widely regarded as a misguided attempt to deflect blame from the president’s botched response to the Covid-19 crisis.
Reached for comment, Roseanne Barr blamed Michelle Obama for the racist tweet that got her fired from ABC; Bill Buckner’s ghost slammed the grounds crew at Shea Stadium for failing to properly cut the infield grass in Game 6 of the 1986 World Series; and Yoko Ono condemned the late George Harrison for breaking up the Beatles.
Meanwhile, in hell, convicted cannibal Jeffrey Dahmer, dining at the famed Dante’s restaurant in the 9th Circle, sent back a steak that he insisted was under-cooked.
“We’re looking forward to a long visit from the president down here,” Dahmer told RealFakeNews. “We’ve reserved a seat here at Dante’s especially for him.”
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